Funny you should write about this Angel. I have been struggling with this for some time. I am a very real person. I tell it how it is and I am pretty laid back. In blog world I have struggled deciding what to reveal about me and what to keep safely tucked inside. I still don't know my comfort zone. Because of this I feel very generic. I post pictures of my kids and give a little update but I don't dig in to me at all. I was OK with this for a while because, really, I started the blog as a virtual scrapbook - just a way to document us until I can actually get this stuff into physical scrapbooks, but lately I feel lost in the crowd. I feel like I know so much about other people whose blogs I check regularly, but if you are checking in on me what do YOU really know. Very little. So I have been trying to define my blog in my head and decide my purpose in blogging. In real life I am laid back and I don't play social games, but I am also a private person. I am not one to confide my feelings to others, so why would I want to discuss them openly on my blog? Yet, sometimes I do. Plus, I have changed. Adoption has changed me. Blogging has changed me. The Internet has changed me. I know so much more now than I used to know and so I have opinions and feelings about things now that were never a part of me before. I want to confront the new me. Somehow I find it safer to do that in blog world. Seems weird.
For today I will jump on your platform. THREE is hard!!! It has kicked my butt. My nine and six year old boys had me in a very comfortable place and now I have started all over. I would not change it for the world, but after almost a year of CiCi being home I feel I am just now breathing again...and only barely. My patience has been tested in more ways than I care to admit. I have been snappy and short with my boys. I also feel I lost some major control over them for a while. The past few weeks, I am resurfacing. I am feeling less out of control, less chaotic. I've established some new guidelines for the boys that are encouraging them to behave better and to pitch in around the house and it actually seems to be working. And really it was simple and I could just kick myself for not getting my act together sooner. But I have been exhausted and overwhelmed. I also feel so relieved right now to at least think that we are turning a corner. Pieces of my old self are falling back into place while at the same time these new pieces that I have picked up along the way (raising a girl, adopting, blogging, attachment issues, as well as the worldly issues that I feel so more in tuned to now like true poverty, illiteracy, environmental issues, etc.) are all beginning to fit together into the new puzzle that is me. It feels good and it feels weird. I can no longer look at things the same way. I feel empathy and sympathy in ways I never before felt. I was never purposefully insensitive, I was just blissfully ignorant.
So thanks for the challenge, Angel. It feels good to share...
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5 comments:
So refreshing to read you blog today. I can only do authenticity. I love your honesty and heart for your kids and the world. Three kids has kicked my butt!
mcmurraymania.blogspot.com
Well, you are beyond me because two is kicking my butt. With three I think they would have to put me away somewhere! But I think it comes from the same place. J is six and we were in a comfortable happy place. Then along came diapers and early bed times and "I need to eat NOW". And it isn't just the two of us anymore when hubby is traveling. It has been hard on both of us. I, too, have taken a year to really feel like I am starting to get back into the swing of things. And honestly I'm not sure I'm there yet. But it is getting better.
Finally, I found you! (OK...that sounds a little creepy, doesn't it?)
Seriosuly though...every time you've commented on my blog, I've tried to access your's, but blogger would always say the profile isn't available. So I finally had the bright idea to google you. It's about time!
Terry
Thanks for getting real. I have the SAME challenges you do in regards to the blogging world and what exactly I want my personal blog to look like. I understand the parenting thing too. I only have my two and we are praying about adopting, but what does that look like? Will three kick my butt too? Anyways, thanks again for getting real..I love that Angel challenged us to do this.
I'm in the 2's got me crowd! I'm thinking that it's the name of our girls, lol!
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